IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.
#energy #australian #household #amount #electricity #occupants
The chart indicates the proportion of where energy is used in a typical Australian household in seven different usages based on the amount of electricity
according to
 the number of occupants.
Overall
, it can be seen in the pie chart that there was a significant difference between the percentage of heating and cooling 38% and standby power 3% in household energy
usage
 in Australia.
In addition
, the same percentage to each lighting and fridges and freezers. Both are 7%. Now we have three percentages 4%, 16%, and 25% for cooking, other appliances, and water heating.
On the other hand
, we can see that the table shows the amount of electricity used increases as the number of people in
a typical Australian home roses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a typical Australian home rose
typical Australian home roses
show examples
. If we have one person in the house, we'll
usage
Replace the word
use
show examples
 5000-6000 kWh per year.
Then
, if we have 2 or 3 persons we'll
usage
Replace the word
use
show examples
 6000-8000 and 7500-10000 kWh per year.
Finally
, if we have 6 persons or more, we'll duplicate to 12000-16000 kWh per year. We can sum up the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
date
Correct your spelling
data
show examples
 by saying that the household energy
usage
 in Australia percentage. Had a lot of ups and downs
according to
 the number of occupants.
Submitted by feda.ezat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 76%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words usage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: