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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.
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The chart indicates the proportion of where energy is used in a typical Australian household in seven different usages based on the amount of electricity
according to
Linking Words
 the number of occupants.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen in the pie chart that there was a significant difference between the percentage of heating and cooling 38% and standby power 3% in household energy
usage
Use synonyms
 in Australia.
In addition
Linking Words
, the same percentage to each lighting and fridges and freezers. Both are 7%. Now we have three percentages 4%, 16%, and 25% for cooking, other appliances, and water heating.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can see that the table shows the amount of electricity used increases as the number of people in
a typical Australian home roses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a typical Australian home rose
typical Australian home roses
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. If we have one person in the house, we'll
Use synonyms
usage
Replace the word
use
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 5000-6000 kWh per year.
Then
Linking Words
, if we have 2 or 3 persons we'll
Use synonyms
usage
Replace the word
use
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 6000-8000 and 7500-10000 kWh per year.
Finally
Linking Words
, if we have 6 persons or more, we'll duplicate to 12000-16000 kWh per year. We can sum up the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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date
Correct your spelling
data
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 by saying that the household energy
usage
Use synonyms
 in Australia percentage. Had a lot of ups and downs
according to
Linking Words
 the number of occupants.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 76%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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