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Band 3

The charts below show each grade level’s activity and the total revenue gained from it, by percentage, from King Primary School’s recent fundraising event. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The charts below show each grade level’s activity and the total revenue gained from it, by percentage, from King Primary School’s recent fundraising event. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #grade #level’s #activity #revenue #percentage #school’s #event #information #features #comparisons
The first
grade
 earned the most proportion of the money through dance contests,
Correct word choice
and activity
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
, they gained
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exactly 23.7%. Where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
second
grade
 came
secondly
Change the word
second
show examples
 in 20.9% through participating in the cake decorating contest. The fifth
grade
 earned 18.3%, they took part in a cookie sale activity
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the sixth
grade
 earned 15.5% in
soccer
Correct article usage
a soccer
show examples
 skill contest.
In contrast
 the fourth
grade
 and the
third
grade
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
came at least earning of money by 13.9% and 7.8%, respectively.
It is clear that
 book
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 and art
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 were the least activity for earning money among all of the activities
Submitted by momasud2018 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words grade with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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