The charts below show each grade level’s activity and the total revenue gained from it, by percentage, from King Primary School’s recent fundraising event. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

#show #grade #level’s #activity #revenue #percentage #school’s #event #information #features #comparisons

The first

grade

earned the most proportion of the money through dance contests,

Correct word choice

and activity

show examples

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

, they gained

Change preposition

apply

show examples

exactly 23.7%. Where

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the

second

grade

came

secondly

Change the word

second

show examples

in 20.9% through participating in the cake decorating contest. The fifth

grade

earned 18.3%, they took part in a cookie sale activity

where

Correct word choice

and

show examples

the sixth

grade

earned 15.5% in

soccer

Correct article usage

a soccer

show examples

skill contest.

In contrast

the fourth

grade

and the

third

grade

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

came at least earning of money by 13.9% and 7.8%, respectively.

It is clear that

book

sale

Fix the agreement mistake

sales

show examples

and art

sale

Fix the agreement mistake

sales

show examples

were the least activity for earning money among all of the activities

Submitted by momasud2018 on Tue Mar 03 2020

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.

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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words grade with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

100 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Some are of the opinion that children below the age of 12 shouldn’t be allowed to have a mobile phone. Others believe that mobile phones are a useful tool for children of all ages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some children spend hours every on smartphones. Why is this case? Is it a positive or negative development?

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that the increasing prevalence of fast food is having a negative impact on public health. What are the causes of this trend, and what measures can be taken to combat it?

Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+