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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since ít construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since ít construction in 1950.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #ít #construction
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The maps illustrate how West Park Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 have changed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over
three
Use synonyms
 various time period (1950, 1980 and 2010).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the main road remained in place over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Besides
Linking Words
, over
fifty-year
Add an article
the fifty-year
a fifty-year
show examples
 period from 1950 to 2010,
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 is extended
while
Linking Words
 houses area is moved out of
this
Linking Words
 place. In 1950, There were
three
Use synonyms
 houses
rows
Change preposition
in rows
show examples
 nearby
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, these houses were demolished completely, and it is replaced by other buildings
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 Science block and
Car
Correct article usage
the Car
show examples
 park in 1980.
In addition
Linking Words
, farmland is
also
Linking Words
 replaced
sports
Change preposition
by sports
show examples
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in 1980.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these buildings are constructed with the purpose of accommodating the increase in student enrolments. From 1980 to 2020, the
school
Use synonyms
's layout diagram
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
size
Add an article
the size
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some areas. There was a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 increase in the
size
Use synonyms
 of the car park, compared to
map
Correct article usage
the map
show examples
 in 1980. When deciding to extend
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 car
par
Correct your spelling
park
show examples
 area, certainly
school
Use synonyms
 facilities had to
Add a missing verb
be sacrificed
show examples
sacrificed
Change the verb
sacrifice
show examples
. Obviously, in the
school
Use synonyms
's layout diagram,
ports
Correct article usage
the ports
show examples
 field has lost
three
Use synonyms
 quarters its
size
Use synonyms
, and the playground
also
Linking Words
 is downsized by
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
three
Use synonyms
 its
size
Use synonyms
, compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 diagram in 1980.
Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, three, size with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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