IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Overpopulation in many big cities in the world is a major problems. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

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In the complicated nowadays,
cities
Use synonyms
 seem to be quite over-populated and that has become a major problem in some countries. There are several reasons and solutions to tackle the problem.
To begin
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, industrialization and modernization are the main causes of
over-populated
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overpopulation
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 in
cities
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.
That is
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 the more industrial zones, the more job opportunities have been created, which leads to a great deal of people from rural areas
would migrate
Wrong verb form
migrating
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 to metropolitan in order to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. Some industrial zones
such
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 as A Sao, Tan Binh, and so on, which are located in Ho Chi Minh City,
for example
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, allow thousands of
labour
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labourers
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 to work and stay there. Another reason is that the birth rate in
cities
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 has increased in recent years. Thanks to
the
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apply
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modernization, families who now have greater living conditions want to have more children. Some actions need to be taken to tackle the problem.
Firstly
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, the government should publish a new law which enacted each family could only have at most 2 children.
For example
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, the authorities in
of
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apply
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China
also
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 enacted a similar law that allows families to have one child only and somewhat
controlled
Wrong verb form
controls
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 the natural birth rate in its country.
Secondly
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, the government should pay more attention to industrialization and modernization in rural areas to make it an ideal destination for the domestic labour market.
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Thus
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This
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 not only
encouraging
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encourages
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 local people to work and stay in their hometown, but the development
also
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 attracts a great number of people who come to work there. In conclusion, there are still many reasons which cause overpopulation in big
cities
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.
As a result
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, the government should immediately take several actions to deal with the major issue.

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task achievement
Consider refining the introduction to clearly state the main causes and solutions you will discuss. This will help create a stronger framework for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistency in verb tenses and ensure clear subject-verb agreement throughout. For example, 'over-populated' should be 'overpopulation' and 'to metropolitan' should be 'to metropolitan areas'.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments. This could involve mentioning specific initiatives or data related to overpopulation impacts.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Words like 'moreover', 'in addition', or 'however' can help clarify connections between your ideas.
task achievement
You provided a clear overview of the causes and solutions to overpopulation, which is an important aspect of task fulfillment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is generally clear, with distinct paragraphs focusing on causes and solutions, which aids readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urbanization
  • slums
  • sanitation facilities
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution levels
  • public services
  • decentralized development
  • population pressure
  • rural areas
  • public transportation systems
  • affordable housing
  • urban poor
  • family planning
  • reproductive health services
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