IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, video games and other types of entertainment for children's leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled?

#parents #level #violence #tv #video #games #entertainment #children #leisure #affect
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a fact that violence is becoming a part of our life slowly. Some parents are concerned about the violence shown on TV, video games and other types of entertainment for children. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will talk about how children are affected by these and how to solve these problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, seeing something on a regular basis may make children desensitize about them. To clarify
this
Linking Words
 point, they started to seem violent behaviours as normal and socially acceptable. The risk of acting in a similar manner is increased and the danger to society and for themselves is rising in
this
Linking Words
 approach.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are lots of games themed about killing people and the child playing them, killing the others in joy and achieves success in these games. Even these are just role plays, it doesn’t mean they are not influencing them in a bad manner. These problems can be solved by governments’ politics and the support of the parents. The most significant answer can be limiting access to these types of contents. To illustrate, having age limits and arranging the air time on television for keeping harmful shows away from the children.
Also
Linking Words
, censoring might be a quick fix for issues like cigarettes. Another and most significant solution is, governments shouldn’t allow these types of games, movies, etc. In their market.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, without the parents’ support, nothing can be improved, they should educate their children to not act in a violent policy and protect them from violent contents by not buying them. In conclusion, violent contents have enormous effects on children which desensitize them to it. Governments could solve
this
Linking Words
 problem by putting the necessary limits and censors with a the help of parents.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: