IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Government around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. Do you agree or disagree?

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Growing up with the invention of advance
technologies including
Accept comma addition
technologies, including
space
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 research consume huge amount of
money
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 by the help nation's economy.
Instead
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 of focusing on those studies, government should be conscious and invest regarding the
health
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 need of the citizens. It seems that,
health
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 is out and out important thing than any other in order to contribute their country. What if the
disease
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spread
Suggestion
spreads
 world-wide by the lack of proper research on
disease
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?
Basic need
Suggestion
The basic need
 is mandatory for every individual. In many
countries particularly
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countries, particularly
 developing and underdeveloped
countries people
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countries, people
 face numerous obstacles by the lack of primary needs; education,
health
Use synonyms
 and so on. If the government lunch
health
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 education programs, medical survey,
disease
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 control and prevention, including free
health
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 camp rather than wasting
money
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 on
space
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experiments
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experiments, then
then
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 it would be far better in order to meet
goal
Suggestion
the goal
goals
 and objectives of providing those needs. One's can only able to contribute their nation only if he or she achieve their basic
health
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 need.
Furthermore
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, through spending
money
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 on epidemiological investigation and epidemiological research laboratory plays significant role in terms of preventing
disease
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 epidemics and pandemic. Once the
disease
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 spread globally
then
Linking Words
 it leads to destroy whole nations. If we already implement those mentioned things through concerning with relevant authorized governmental agencies
then
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 we can able to save thousand of live by determining specific equipments which needs immediately after
disease
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 occurrence.
In addition
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, for doing
space
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 program needs huge amount which poor countries
can not
can not
cannot
 afford. It seems too luxuriant and needed highly skilled person. But there
is
Suggestion
are
 only
fewer
Suggestion
few
 countries which can able to produce a person with
required ability
Suggestion
the required ability
 to do
space
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 experiments.
Moreover
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, some countries are too insufficient to lunch college, university related to
space
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 program due to poor economic situation.
However
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, investing
money
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 on
space
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 related programs would help our
next
Linking Words
 generation through inventing new technologies. But for now, the most needed and precious
thing
Suggestion
things
 is our
health
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. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 spending
money
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 on
space
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 programs probably assists our coming generations in
future but
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future, but
 basic needs, controlling
disease
Use synonyms
 occurrence and maintaining economic crisis of a country are the most important factors to lead
whole country
Suggestion
the whole country
 to become developed and independent.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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