IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports even though others claim they should have the freedom to choose a sport to their liking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #sport
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Human beings have been playing games for centuries in order to escape the boredom in their lives. Sports play an important role in cultivating several qualities in
men which
Accept comma addition
men, which
 makes it an important tool for
society
Suggestion
societal
reformation but
Accept comma addition
reformation, but
 some playful activities destroy empathy and encourage violence among the participants. Most of these sports are
also
Linking Words
 part of the culture and celebrated every year in order to achieve cultural or personal satisfaction.
However
Linking Words
, these organized activities contribute to loss of both human lives and extinction of species which is why it should be stopped. It is estimated that almost half of the population of Pakistan is composed of youths. These young people often endanger their lives by competing with each other in activities that cost them their lives. In a report published in Daily Dawn in 2012, it was estimated that nearly 200 motorcyclist lost their lives while performing stunts in busy roads.
Hence
Linking Words
, the government should take steps to end these life threatening acts to save lives and promote peace on
streets
Suggestion
the streets
. Many cultural activities involve hunting of specific species in order to obtain divine powers or cultural satisfaction. A notable example is the killing of whales in Japan when they try to beach at the shore. To stop complete extinction, international organization must take steps to prevent people from doing
such
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 acts of harm. To conclude, dangerous sports should be stopped by the government and international bodies before they inflict loss of lives on both humans and animals. The above mentioned examples clearly showed the consequences of not regulating
such
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 activities.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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