Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.To What extent do you agree or disagree

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

These days, divas are popular for their

luxuries

Suggestion

luxury

life style more than their accomplishments which makes teenagers aspire to follow a wrong path. While I admit that some of the

bigshots

Suggestion

big shots

are famed for their charm and richness,

however I

Accept comma addition

however, I

disagree with the above argument, that all

such

personalities are a bad influence for the youngsters, as there are some artists who are renowned for their hard

work

and talent.

This

essay will discuss On the

first

hand, few bigwigs are famed for their look and richness which influence the younger generations in a negative way. They set a message that to achieve success one has to be wealthy and beautiful. There are some models who enact disgracefully on the media just to grab the attention.

For instance

, Paris

Hilton who

Accept comma addition

Hilton, who

is famed for her late night parties and posting the photos in the media of her designer costume. Young girls follow

This

glamorous life style may impact negative path to youths. They only see the superficial side of fame and do not understand or appreciate the efforts that go into making one successful. On the

second

hand, there are some personages who are popular for their achievements,

this

leads the younger ones to positive way. They

work

hard and have applied themselves to develop the skills and abilities to reach the goal from an early stage.

This

effort, determination and ambition makes ones to achieve the success in their chosen field.

For example

, Jackie

Chan who

Accept comma addition

Chan, who

is renowned for his martial art and in movies through his dedicated practice and effort.

This

influence the children to achieve their dream by hard

work

and their ability. In conclusion,

Although

there are some attractive and rich famed figures may be a bad role model for the upcoming

generations but

Accept comma addition

generations, but

I believe there are personalities who are known for their achievement through their hard

work

and dedication, will be

good role model

Suggestion

a good role model

for future ones .

Submitted by kamalakumaran.s on Tue Mar 10 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

324 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.To What extent do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some cities create new housing for their growing population by constructing a smaller number of high-rise buildings. other cities create more of low-rise building. which solution is better. in your opinion?

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Many people are opting to buy second handed products instead of new ones. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?