IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line graph gives a picture of how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth
 and
death
 changed in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101.
Overall
,
while
 the
rate
 of
death
 illustrated a steady increase, the
birth
rate
 had a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 trend over an interval of eleven years. As can be seen from the chart that the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
death
rate
 was approximately 10000s
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period and had more than
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in 1961. Until 2001, the data on the
rate
 of
death
 continued increasing progressively, reaching just about 30000s.
Then
 the
rate
 went up dramatically in the period from 2021 to 2061 but after that, it
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off at around 60000s and dropped slightly in 2101.
On the contrary
, the
birth
rate
 was much higher than the
death
rate
, it started below
20000s
Correct article usage
the 20000s
show examples
 and reached a peak of more than 60000 in 1961. But the
rate
 of
birth
 fell steadily in 1981 whose number showed 50000s. Since
then
, the number of
birth
 has varied between 65000 and 50000 and in 2001, there was a slight rise
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 55000.
However
, the trend is expected to decline to over 40000 by the end of the century.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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