IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience

#families #change
Many people agree with the families are
beging
a solicitation for money or food (especially in the street by an apparently penniless person)
begging
being
bagging
more far
Suggestion
farther
 than in the past.
This
 change likely is
occuring
come to pass
occurring
 due to we live in a society more individualistic and because the work
occup
keep busy with
occupies
 a large time of our
lifes
a characteristic state or mode of living
lives
life
.
Nevertheless
, some communities considered that it is relevant keep a strong link with our dears
seres
similar things placed in order or happening one after another
series
, which could exist if the people visit often psychologist and
wheter
introduces two alternatives
whether
 the government would create more holiday dedicate to
this
 institution.
Thus
, I believe that in the current era is common don’t have a strong link with our parents or
sibilings
a person's brother or sister
siblings
, because in general we don’t find help in their when we have some problems or
viceversa
Suggestion
vice versa
, and
this
 cause a weak relationship.
Also
, the actual lifestyle
tell
Suggestion
tells
 us that our time only is
foccus
being in focus or brought into focus
focused
focus
focussed
in
Suggestion
on
 the work.
For example
, when I worked as a journalist in a
newspapper
a daily or weekly publication on folded sheets; contains news and articles and advertisements
newspaper
, many times I could not be present in
importants
of great significance or value
important
 dates.
Nevertheless
, I think that we have a weak relationship with our dears
seres
similar things placed in order or happening one after another
series
shares
 give
as a
result several
Accept comma addition
result, several
psychology
Suggestion
psychological
 problems, for
this
 reason is of vital importance that our contact with the family be
health
Suggestion
healthy
healthier
. In my opinion, the society should give
protagonism
 to health mental, due to
this
 will allow
share
Suggestion
sharing
 with our parents without rage.
Besides
, I believe that the State should incentive to have a strong
link althoug
Accept comma addition
link, although
link although
 national parties with
this
 institution, which is the most important for the society accord the Constitution. In
conlusion
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
, it is widely accepted that families are
more far
Suggestion
farther
 than the
last
epoca
a period marked by distinctive character or reckoned from a fixed point or event
epoch
.
This
 situation
is occur
Suggestion
is occurring
has occurred
occurs
 for the
ritme
the basic rhythmic unit in a piece of music
rhythm
 of
life our current
Suggestion
life in our current
 world.
However
, it’s relevant have a better contact with our dears
seres
similar things placed in order or happening one after another
series
, because likely they will be who are with us in our
born
an outlying farm building for storing grain or animal feed and housing farm animals
barn
 and in
our
things belonging to us
ours
 died.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • family interactions
  • technological advancements
  • virtual interactions
  • dual-income households
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • social structures
  • individualism
  • family cohesiveness
  • belonging
  • open communication
  • emotional support
  • shared activities
  • family dynamics
  • work-life balance
  • family traditions
  • regular gatherings
  • counseling
  • family therapy
  • prioritizing family time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: