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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
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The given column graph elucidates the unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 done by both married
men
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 and
women
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 having different numbers of
children
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. A cursory glance is adequate to mention that most
women
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, with or without
children
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, have to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unpaid household
works
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 more than
men
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 and more
children
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 mean more
work
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 for
women
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. As is seen in the given illustration, married females who do not have any child do around 30
hours
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 of unpaid
work
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 weekly,
while
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 from the same category do only 18
hours
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 of
such
Linking Words
work
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. Whilst,
men
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 who have one or two
children
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 spend an equal amount of time
for
Change preposition
on
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 household
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 as do the males without
children
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,
this
Linking Words
 is
in contrast
Linking Words
 nearly fifty
hours
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 for
women
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. In the case of
women
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, who nurture more than three offspring, spend the highest
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hours
Correct quantifier usage
number of hours
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 on unpaid
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 -58
hours
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 per week.
Men
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on the other hand
Linking Words
, surprisingly do fewer household
works
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 with the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their child number.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, men, women, children, works, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
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