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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of a car factory's total sale in four continents ( Asia, Europe, South America, Europe and Asia) annually during the five-year period from 2006 to 2010.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of a car factory's total sale in four continents ( Asia, Europe, South America, Europe and Asia) annually during the five-year period from 2006 to 2010.
#bar #percentage #car #factory #sale #four #continents #asia #europe #america #period
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A close look at the chart reveals the
sale
Use synonyms
 of the
factory
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 in Asia presented
a
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an
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 upward
increasing
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increase
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 with slight fluctuation during the
period
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. The percentage of its
sale
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 was 30% in 2006 sharing the same amount with the sales in Europe and South
American
Correct your spelling
America
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.
Then
Linking Words
 the
sale
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 increased dramatically increased
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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 with 50% in 2010, the largest
sale
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 among the continents. The
sale
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Europe
Linking Words
firstly
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first
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 presented
a
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an
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 increasing trend with 30% in 2006 and
then
Linking Words
 reached about 40% in 2008, the largest
sale
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 of the year. After 2008, the
sale
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 declined again, reaching 30% again. The
sale
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 in North America presented an opposite trend as that of Europe.
In
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At
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 both
end
Change to a plural noun
ends
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 of the
period
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, the sales
was
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were
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 similar about 30%, the highest
sale
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 in North America and decreased in the middle of the
period
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, only 5% in 2008. The
factory
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 did not do well in South America with its
sale
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 gradually decreasing from 30% in 2006 to 10% in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the cars produced by
this
Linking Words
factory
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 were always popular in Asia and Europa;
This
Linking Words
factory
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 has become less popular in South
American
Correct your spelling
America
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.
Submitted by busybee1693 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sale, factory, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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