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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?

#countries #numbers #people #age
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majority
Suggestion
The majority
Majority
 of
developed
Suggestion
developing
 countries the large portion of their populations is over
age
Suggestion
the age
 of 65
this
Linking Words
 situation is causing the countries some economic problems. In many developed countries the population is getting older and the rate of birth is becoming lower every year
.
Accept space
.
As a result
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 could become problematic for
Use synonyms
economy
Suggestion
the economy
 and the society
.
Accept space
.
For example
Linking Words
 the problem
are
Suggestion
is
 the number of people in the work force is becoming less,
also
Linking Words
 there are so many retired that the country needs to provide them with
monthly salary
Suggestion
a monthly salary
 and health benefit.
As a result
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 could put a lot of financial pressure on
Use synonyms
economy
Suggestion
the economy
. The
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 big issue with ageing population is the health problem. As the people become older their health will
decline
Suggestion
decline, therefore
therefore
Linking Words
, they need so much medical attention all of
this
Linking Words
 could put additional pressure in the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the country.
However
Linking Words
, There are some solutions to some of
Linking Words
this
plural of "this"
these
 problems
.
Accept space
.
For example
Linking Words
 in china so many parents live with their children. Children can take
care
Use synonyms
 of their parents and it would cost less economically to live separately
consequently
Linking Words
 grandparents can take
care
Use synonyms
 of their grandchildren
therefore
Linking Words
, The parents do not need to spend so much money on day
care
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 they are more relaxed because they know their children are not
at
Suggestion
in
 the hands of strangers.
in
Suggestion
In
conclusion if
Accept comma addition
conclusion, if
 the younger generation and older generation work together and take
care
Use synonyms
 of each other not only is
best
Suggestion
better
 for your concise
also
Linking Words
 its good for the
economy
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sukhsandhu59507 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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