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Band 4.5

Question: Computer are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#computer #education #people #trend #consequences
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Nowadays, by developing
of
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apply
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new-fledged technologies,
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 are used as a new method of
education
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. Some individuals think that
computer
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 has some benefits,
however
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, others believe that
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
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 of
this
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 trend are more. There are rational reasons for the given statements which will be discussed in
details
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detail
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, followed by my point of view. On the one side, the main reason for
this
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 is that online programs are
determining
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a determining
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 factor
for
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in
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 utilizing
computers
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 for
education
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.
To simply
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Simply
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 put, There are several issues that teachers may need to employ online programs to facilitate
the
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apply
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educational activities. Take
a
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apply
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distance learning as an example; new technologies
such
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 as
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computer
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computers
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 enhance the quality of
education
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 in distance learning by using
of
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apply
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them for online classes,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 an exam and solving problems.
Moreover
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, using
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computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
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 for studying
the
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apply
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soft
copy
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copies
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 of books by
computers
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 is more likely to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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benefit
to
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apply
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the environment
rather
Rephrase
apply
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that
Correct word choice
than
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what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a paper
by publish
Wrong verb form
publishing
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 hard copy
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Thus
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, the more
employing
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 for taking
in
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apply
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courses, the better
consequence
Correct article usage
the consequence
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 on the quality of learning.
On the other hand
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,
however
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, the opposite view asserts that
disadvantage
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the disadvantage
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 of
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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on
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in
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education
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 should not be ignored.
To begin
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 with, the main argument is that concentration on utilizing
of
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apply
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computers
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 less.
That is
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 to say, when students
studying
Wrong verb form
study
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 by
computers
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, they lose their focus on the subject to some extent. A good illustration
for
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of
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this
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 is games which are more available on every
computer
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 and some instructors, especially young students, are more likely to play them
on
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during
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 studying time as well.
Hence
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, not only are not
computers
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 rewarding to concentration, but
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 may affect their studying as well.
To conclude
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, there are valid reasons on both sides of the controversy,
however
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, it is my firm opinion that attention should be paid to
employ
Wrong verb form
employing
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computers
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 for the sake of
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of new methods to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of teaching followed by help to fast learning.
Submitted by f_shahbazi on

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task response
The essay adequately discusses both views, but the response could be more comprehensive by providing deeper insight and more relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is clear, but work on providing a stronger framework for the arguments. The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be more developed and linked to the main content of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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