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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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There are two charts about
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
. The pie chart shows the primary causes of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 around the world, the other which is a table shows the effects these causes have
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 three continents during the 1990s. There are three main reasons that make
Use synonyms
land
Add an article
the land
show examples
 used in agricultural activity become less arable between 1990-1999: over-grazing (raising too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
),
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 (growing too many crops), and deforestation (destroying
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
). If we look into the places or continents where
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 most affected, it is Europe,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 are Oceania which placed Australia and North America.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, the leading cause of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 in the 1990s is raising too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
 which accounts for 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Deforestation is the
second
Linking Words
-most leading cause which accounts for about one-
third
Linking Words
 or 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 followed up with 28
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the table, we can see that Europe was the most affected continent
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 both
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
deforestation and
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
, resulting in
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 total
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
. Oceania,
however
Linking Words
, despite no
land
Use synonyms
 degraded from
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffered the heaviest damage from over-grazing. North America took
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 smallest hit from each cause and total
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, degradation, over-cultivation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pie chart
  • Table
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Decreasing productivity
  • Reasons
  • Regional variations
  • Data
  • Summarize
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