IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

2.In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? Why people work harder in academics and employment?

#education #employment #people #work #academics
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Some people
work
Use synonyms
 extremely
hard
Suggestion
harder
 than other individuals in different disciplines like education and employment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons why people
work
Use synonyms
 hard, and suggest working extremely hard is not good as it will disturb the personal relationships with the family members. The main reason why people sweat so hard in academics and
work
Use synonyms
 environment is they want to achieve success in their life.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that when people invest their valuable
time
Use synonyms
 and put the extra effort in academics and jobs they are far
likely
Suggestion
more likely
 to achieve excellent grades in school and at
work
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 rewards them with a successful job and career.
For example
Linking Words
, research by The Guardian showed that the reason why Steve Jobs became the CEO of
Apple is
Accept comma addition
Apple, is
 that he worked exceedingly
hard
Suggestion
harder
 than the other employees in the company.
However
Linking Words
, working exceedingly hard can disturb the relationships in the family.
In other words
Linking Words
, a few professions
requires
Suggestion
require
 people to
work
Use synonyms
 consistently
work
Use synonyms
 hard and travel to different countries and
this
Linking Words
 leaves them very little personal space and
time
Use synonyms
 for family and leisure activities and
this
Linking Words
 can damage the bonding with his/her spouse and children.
For example
Linking Words
, research by The New Times showed that the majority of the Mixed-Martial-Arts fighters were divorced before the age of thirty because they spent less
time
Use synonyms
 with family and most of their
time
Use synonyms
 in the gym training and attending pay-per-view events. To conclude, working extra hard can reward a few people with successful careers, but working hard can leave them a very little
time
Use synonyms
 personal space for family which can damage the family bonding
.
Accept space
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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