IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #duty #citizens #diet #responsibility
Healthy diet helps people maintain and improve their general fitness. It is important to intake right nutrient daily to obtain a good meal. Having an unhealthy cuisine can be a major risk factor for a number for chronic diseases, including high blood pressure and diabetes and overweights. I
partially
Suggestion
parted
 with the statement.
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 will shed light on both
view
Suggestion
views
 in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, a group of masses that the Government should encourage people for
consume
Suggestion
consuming
 balance diet. The food and drug administration and
health
 commission of parliament are providing some amenities
such
 as free educated and treatment. They should give people
education
Suggestion
educated
 about physical study. So that, people might be aware
from
Suggestion
of
 pitiable diseases. The minister of
health
 department should be conscious citizens to healthy fare includes vitamins, proteins, minerals. Nowadays, people are junk bread because they are busy with their works.
As a result
, they do not eat homemade feed as they have no enough time for
prepare
Suggestion
preparing
 the foodstuff. Fast food is a tasty and
chepest
Suggestion
cheap
cheapest
. So, snacks are eaten.
Consequently
, they are suffering from obesity, cancer, heart attack
.
Accept space
.
 Sweden and Denmark are good example of it.
In addition
, some laws should be created about diet
.
Accept space
.
people
Suggestion
People
 should aware through the media
.
Accept space
.
On the other hand
,
Accept space
,
 individual have some responsibilities about
thrir
of them or themselves
their
health
 to remain healthy. They should
adopte
Suggestion
adopt e
 good habits
such
 as, get up early and take proper rest.
presently
Suggestion
Presently
, many people have addicted to late the watching television and playing games.
This
 is not better for physical
health
 because of can be weaken their eye side. Juvenile should be
play
Suggestion
playing
 outdoor games to entertain and physical workout.
For instance
, they are
runing
(American football) a play in which a player attempts to carry the ball through or past the opposing team
running
ruining
,
colories
Suggestion
the calories
calories
colours
colonies
 would be
burn
Suggestion
burned
 and kids feel
engertic
possessing or exerting or displaying energy
energetic
. The body fat
will be reduce
Suggestion
will be reduced
. The
diagest
above average in size or number or quantity or magnitude or extent
biggest
 system will be properly working. People will stay healthy. In conclusion, a citizen keeps country alive and drive into the future.
Thus
, people should pay attention to their
health
.
Submitted by simransahotra356 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: