IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

MANY YOUNG PEOPLE SPEND MUCH OF THEIR FREE TIME IN SHOPPING MALLS.THIS HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON THEM AND SOCIETY. TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DIS AGREE?

#people #time #malls #effect #society #dis
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Young generations are considered to be the
next
 leaders all over the globe. Some
peoonclusion
.
ple
a native or inhabitant of Poland
Poles
Poll
Ple
 believe that spending much of their
time
 in the
mall
have had
Suggestion
has had
 a negative
effect
, while other commenters, affirmed that it does not have any detrimental
effect
. The writer, strongly agree that
this
 trend
have had
Suggestion
has had
 a perilous
effect
 to them and to the society the reason will discuss
below followed
Accept comma addition
below, followed
 by a
cYoung
(used of living things especially persons) in an early period of life or development or growth
young
song
generations
Suggestion
generation
 are considered to be the
next
 leaders all over the globe. Some people believe that spending much of their
time
 in the
mall
 has had a negative
effect
, while other commenters, affirmed that it does not have any detrimental
effect
. The writer, strongly agree that
this
 trend has had a perilous
effect
 to them and to the society the reason will discuss below followed by a conclusion. To start with, student must allocate more
time
 to their studies, and in their academic activities in the classroom or school, to enhance their skills and knowledge.
Thus
, it is beneficial for them to have a brighter career in the future. Spending much at the
mall
 could lose their concentration in their studies, because there are many temptations inside the
mall
 like online games
that is
 widely popular nowadays particularly for the boys or male students.
For instance
, a grade 9 student spends much of his
time
 in
mall
Suggestion
the mall
a mall
malls
 doing unnecessary activities, got addicted to online games.
Thus
, lead to lower grades than other learners.
Furthermore
,
although
, going to the malls sometime is considered crucial, particularly if they
havinga
Suggestion
having a
 good
time
 with the family, friends, and relatives. Apart from that
mall
 is
also
 a desirable place for purchasing essential items like school supplies and for projects, because it is convenient and the price is reasonable. But, if they just go the
mall
 for nonsense things like playing online games and having undesirable fun
time
 with their fellow young ones.
Hence
, a huge tendency that it will lead them to wrong path. To sum up, I believe that spending much of their
time
 doing unnecessary activities in the malls has a huge negative impact to them and to the society. Actions should implement to curb and to impart to the young generations that they should spend less to that area and to emphasize more
time
 on their studies.
Submitted by vankd20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: