IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basic. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time.

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It is no doubt that regularly, walking is a wonderful exercise
that is
Linking Words
 necessary to maintain and improve their general
health
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has many benefits to their physical as well as mental fitness. They will not do
this
Linking Words
, diseases will increase in their body,
such
Linking Words
 as, obesity,
thoraid
Suggestion
. A group of people
claim
Suggestion
claims
 that fewer people do not move due to busy schedules and increasing vehicles. I will throw light on its matters in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
first
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 and most important reason is, everyone wants a luxurious life alive.
Therefore
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, residents are busy with their work. Many people are migrating to the city to earn money. Daily routines have reduced their workout activity. They are working overtime to get extra money.
Thus
Linking Words
, employees feel exhausted,
therefore
Linking Words
, they are not interested in walking.
For example
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, in India, many people suffer from obesity, diabetes, thyroid. They have become workaholic. Many citizens walk in the city. Urban areas are less ventilated due to increased congestion. There are no
also
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 parks and grounds. The apartment has replaced the house in the modern era.
Also
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, there is another reason, vehicles have increased in the technology era, one has their own car, bike. The modern man does not want to walk on the street. They are
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 long or short distances through vehicles.
As a result
Linking Words
, the traffic limit is over. The
roadman
someone who lives in the woods
woodman
 does not feel safe,
therefore
Linking Words
, they cannot do so.
For example
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, in a large country like Canada and the United States, residents cannot walk on the road because it is too crowded.
On the other hand
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, the Government can help to make people aware of their
health
Use synonyms
. They should be made a park for people to walk. The Minister of
Use synonyms
Health Department
Accept comma addition
Health, Department
 should be provided with working hours. They should apply some rules about
health
Use synonyms
 along with work. They should be made well aware through media
such
Linking Words
 as television and newspapers.
Finally
Linking Words
, a citizen keeps the country alive and drives into the future.
As a result
Linking Words
, people have some responsibility to pay attention to their
health
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
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