IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

24. In some countries, young people are encouraged to work and travel for a year finishing high school and starting university study. Discuss advantage and disadvantage for your people who decide to do it.

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In a few countries, teenage people are motivated to work and move in a year, finishing high
school
Use synonyms
 and
begins
Wrong verb form
beginning
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university study. Yes, it is a fact,
selecting
Correct word choice
that selecting
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 right career pathway is crucial for the youth's future when they graduate from high
school
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Some youngsters prefer to travel around the world after finishing their high
school
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some prefer to work and gain knowledge and earn some money for their higher studies. The majority of them may have limited knowledge about working industries or lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
self-awareness;
therefore
Linking Words
, it may be a challenge for them to select a proper major
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
which they
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 are interested.
For instance
Linking Words
, one-year travelling and working experiences will expand their horizontal knowledge and learn more about themselves.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the youth may mature enough to select their careers to pursue.
However
Linking Words
, some new graduates pursue higher studies right after high
school
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they believe that travelling and working is a waste of time if they
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to complete their study they should stick to it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, travelling may increase the risk for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers to nurture bad habits like smoking, drinking, drugs, and so on. Even more, working in labour jobs will not benefit their personal
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
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 and some of them perhaps never back to
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
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 again. Directly pursuing
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education will assist students
to stay
Change preposition
in staying
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 concentration
in
Change preposition
on
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 their academic
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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. In conclusion, I personally believe that they should make a serious decision after consulting their parents or mentors. Travelling around and working may not be suitable for all students
due to
Linking Words
 the above reasons.
However
Linking Words
, pursuing advanced academic educations in universities
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a significant role in students' future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure a clearer introduction that presents the essay topic directly and outlines the discussions more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas in paragraphs. Ensure that points transition smoothly from one to another so that the reader easily follows your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your ideas more effectively and engagingly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or anecdotes that showcase the potential impacts of working or traveling after high school.
task achievement
You clearly presented the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, fulfilling the essay requirement.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your perspective, which is essential in tying together your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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