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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the graph shows data the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010.

the graph shows data the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010.
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #london
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The multi-line graph reveals clear data about the yearly revenue of three bakeries in London over the covered period of the graph.In general, what stands out from the graph is that there were considerable upward trends in the
income
Use synonyms
 of both
Sofia
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 and
Cake
Use synonyms
Lab
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,
while
Linking Words
 the earnings of Buns saw a substantial fall in the time period in question. In terms of
Sofia
Use synonyms
's production,
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 recorded
a
Remove the article
apply
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more firm stability over the first 5
years
Use synonyms
 about 58.000, simultaneously
Cake
Use synonyms
Lab
Use synonyms
's
income
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 reached an enormous growth
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
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 60.000, after being fallen in the beginning couple
Use synonyms
years
Change preposition
of years
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 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, in the rest of the period, both trends saw rocketing in sales.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sofia
Use synonyms
 gained extraordinary popularity and sharply boosted in profit in
Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 by almost 40.000, at 100.000.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 to
Cake
Use synonyms
Lab
Use synonyms
, levelling out, followed by a steep climb in the rate of profit from 40.000 to roughly 60.000. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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Buns, in
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
 time was dominated by
annual
Correct article usage
an annual
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income
Use synonyms
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 80.000, to compare with
Cake
Use synonyms
Lab
Use synonyms
's
income
Use synonyms
 was
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
quadruple
Wrong verb form
quadrupled
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 and with
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
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20.000
Change preposition
of 20.000
show examples
 in
Sofia
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the trend sharply went down over the
years
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. Between 2000 and 2005 there was a huge
lost
Replace the word
loss
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by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 25% of the revenue,
also
Linking Words
 what happened in the
last
Linking Words
 5
years
Use synonyms
 with Buns business, recording almost 37.000.
Submitted by tukhtakulov98 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, sofia, cake, lab, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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