IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The graph shows data about annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010

The graph shows data about annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #london
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 glance at the table reveals the data about incomes in three popular bakeries in London. In General, during the given
periods
Change to a genitive case
period's
periods'
show examples
 earnings
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
considrably
Correct your spelling
considerably
 decreased the bakery of
Buns
;
However
, the rate of profit a sharp
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 in
Sofia
; There was a significant growth of incomes in
Cake
Correct article usage
the Cake
show examples
 lab. It’s exactly seen from the lines in initial
time
Buns
 around 80 in the top;
However
, to compare with earnings in
Sofia
 illustrated 60. The trend of
Buns
 twice fluctuations in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 five
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 from 2000. Followed by,
enermously
Correct your spelling
enormously
 decreased with a bit
oscillation
Change preposition
of oscillation
show examples
 a
second
 five years from
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 given tense. The line of
Sofia
 in
Correct article usage
the begining
show examples
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
time
 was around 55. And stay constant to till
2005
Change the article
the 2005
show examples
 year from 2000. After that, an
enermous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 boom
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 3 years. The
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
 of
Cake
Correct article usage
the Cake
show examples
 lab in the initial
time
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 lower than other bakeries. But
at the end
 of
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 term came out between the given two bakeries.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 can
be say
Change the verb form
be said
show examples
, the trend of
Buns
 fell to the bottom, the line of
Sofia
 came out
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 top and
Cake
Correct article usage
the Cake
show examples
 lab
is reached
Change the verb form
has reached
show examples
 the middle
at the end
 of
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
time
 respectively.
Submitted by tukhtakulov98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however, next".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words buns, sofia, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: