IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer."

#television #children #two #five #support
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In the modern world, where everything has been digitalised and innovative methods of selling new products have come up, television advertising
that is
 focused on young
children
 aged two to five should not be allowed. I completely agree with
this
 statement as advertisements have some negative effects on the minds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
Firstly
, the
children
 at that age are far more likely to be influenced as they are still in the developmental phase and don't have their own opinions and with much of the world still new to them, they want to try all of it.
For instance
, when they see an ad for a new toy or food, they want it, creating
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure on the parents to buy those things for their kids.
Therefore
, they may
also
 develop a materialistic idea of the world in the youngsters.
Secondly
, a large portion of the food items advertised is junk food which is visually very appealing and can influence the eating habits of the child.
For example
,
burger king
Correct your spelling
Burger King
show examples
 markets their burgers as big and juicy delicacies and makes the mouth of anyone water.
Thus
, commercials can sometimes be a cause of obesity among young boys and girls and lead to an unfit lifestyle.
Lastly
, the ads
also
 lead to kids engaging in behaviours that are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 them. To illustrate, certain promotions portray stunts that can be very dangerous.
Although
,
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apply
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 they do come with a statutory warning, it may often be ignored, and kids may attempt to imitate these stunts and end up getting injured.
Hence
, they affect the
overall
 safety and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the little ones. In conclusion, for the sake of
children
's health and social development, we should definitely consider imposing a ban on television adverts aimed at youngsters.

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, presenting arguments and examples to support the opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, despite some issues with logical structure and development of ideas.
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