IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

3. The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the socity they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#availability #entertainment #video #games #devices #socity
Handheld devices
such
 as smartphones and tablets offer us various forms of stress-relieving, of which the most ubiquitous are video games.
However
, they
also
 potentially bring about negative impacts on players and their community. I completely agree with
this
 statement and in
this
 essay I shall provide evidence to support my perspective.
Firstly
, video games on smartphones are designed to be appealing and addictive. Games impress and attract people by their fascinating graphics and intriguing gameplay, which allow people to interact with others across the world and drawn into the virtual world for hours.
For example
, children are the easiest to become addicted to online fighting games as they would waste days and nights to complete virtual missions, collect
game
 items and compete with the others while neglecting their study and real life relationships leading to soaring rates of absenteeism in schools and deteriorating health conditions amongst youngsters.
In addition
, as players can conveniently access games via mobile phones, they tend to be distracted from work and
hence
 perform less efficiently.
Secondly
, there is still loose censorship applied to
game
 contents which may negatively influence one’s behaviour and thinking. For a
game
 to be attractive, brutal actions are displayed as much as possible to show off its graphics. These scenes contribute largely to how
game
 players, especially children, would violently behave towards their peers and adults.
For instance
, a psychological research suggested that early engagement of online action games would cause children to be more aggressive and likely to use force in solving a problem rather than words. In concluding, I would like to reiterate my perspective that availability of video games on mobile devices for entertainment purpose potentially has detrimental impacts on players because of its addictive and violent nature.
Submitted by thaovuphuong19 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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