IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

3. The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the socity they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#availability #entertainment #video #games #devices #socity
The debate on
video
 games have been going on since they were
first
 introduced to the public. Some people think
video
 games are an enjoyable form of entertainment while others are strongly against them due to
games
Suggestion
game
 addiction and its consequences. In my opinion,
video
 games can be harmful, but they can
also
 bring benefits to people and the society as well. Every
millenial
Suggestion
Millenial
millennial
 has played
video
 games and a number of young people become addicted to them. There have been extreme cases that games addicted parents neglect their own children and starve them to death.
Video
 games come in different genres from educational to violent. The most popular games on App store or Play store are mostly violent, and since they are very easily accessible to people, children are often playing fighting, killing, shooting at a very young age. Some children cannot differentiate games from reality and end up becoming violent. There was a case that a teenager killed his grandmother because she nagged at him for playing games too much. When during interrogation, he said he thought his grandma could resurrect like
game
 characters. Not to mention sexual related and gender stereotypical contents where female characters wear over-revealing outfits.
Therefore
, it is understandable that many people do not have a positive opinion on
video
 games.
On the other hand
, there have not been any research proving the correlations between playing games and harmful behaviours. Whereas educational games are helpful for students, especially those with special needs. They can learn about the outside world, sound, music, languages, history, etc. Some mobile games can be used in the classroom to engage students and improve their learning.
Moreover
,
game
 designing and
game
 developing have become popular professions since the
last
 decade. The father of Flappy bird has made thousands of dollars from it. Many talented young people are earning a large amount of money from competing, playing and making games. In conclusion, playing games can be addictive to other real life activities.
However
, I believe there are ways to control the quality and manage the age of
game
 players so that
video
 games can serve better educational and entertainment purposes.
Submitted by thaovuphuong19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: