IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #women #men #job #police
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It is often said that, in some countries, both male and female should be equally considered in a job application for police or the military. It is becoming a common phenomenon.
However
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, people think female are not appropriate for these tasks. Here, I will bring both sides of the arguments.
To begin
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, both genders should be served to balance during the job application like detective and military, because male and female have equal rights.
Besides
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, women can perform a certain task,
such
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 as, in any force service in any checking place, they can check women bodies, while men are not allowed to do.
Moreover
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, in military
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 women can take better care than men. In fact, women have
also
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 talent and expertise in a relevant field, in order to serve the respective nation. Their hidden talent may play a vital role in these jobs that may lead to grip and strengthen the law enforcement force. Indeed, there are
also
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 a few reasons that do not fit women for these jobs.
Firstly
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, these types of jobs required extreme physical fitness for catching a criminal.
For instance
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, female cops are not highly preferred to
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 for a bouncer
jobjob
Suggestion
 in a bar or restaurant. In that case, women usually lack fitness and they cannot be able to
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.
On the other hand
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, in military service, a female soldier finds difficulties with carrying heavy arms, as well as they might get into trouble for defending themselves. Overall, some individual says that women cannot be able to perform these jobs.
However
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, I believe that they can
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 better and there should not be gender bias.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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