The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table illustrates the global
market
share
of notebook computer manufacturers in two separate years.
Overall
,
it is clear that
HP
was the most commonly - used
while
Fujitsu - Siemens’s consumption is the lowest from 2006 to 2007.
In addition
,
HP
, Dell and Toshiba witnessed an increase in their proportions
while
other producers fell in 2007. In 2006,
HP
accounted for the largest slice of the
market
share
, at 13,4%, compared to the figures for its competitors, namely Dell and Toshiba, at 16,6% and 6,2% respectively. A year later, there was a rise of approximately 3% to 34% in the
market
share
of
HP
.
A considerable
Remove the article
Considerable
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growth in the percentage of the two closest competitors was
also
seen from 2006 to 2007, with the figure for Dell climbing to 20,2% and that for Toshiba rising to 7,3%.
In contrast
, other computer manufacturers saw a significant decline
between
Change preposition
in
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2 years. In 2006, the
market
share
of
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
companies occupied 22,8%, compared to about 11,6%
of
Change preposition
for
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Acer and 6,6%
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Lenovo. By 2007, the percentage of Acer and Lenovo was 10,7% and 6,2%, a fall of 9% and 0,4% since the previous year.
Finally
, we can see that Fujitsu - Siemens’s, the lowest proportion in both two years, rose from 4,8% to 2,3% in over a year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share, hp with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • market share
  • percentage points
  • market presence
  • ranking
  • market leader
  • least market share
  • total market share
  • market consolidation
  • market diversification
  • new entrants
  • exits
  • highlight
  • compare
  • decline
  • increase
  • improvement
  • loss of ground
  • manufacturer
  • worldwide
  • notebook computer
  • notable
  • significant
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