Nowadays, people consume 100 times more
each day than a century ago. Especially, since most individuals are living sedentary lifestyles, working in offices,
excessive amount of
is simply not needed by the human body.
, the body has difficulty processing and storing the excess
and
leads to many diseases.
, I completely agree that the overconsumption of refined
must be regulated as there are extremely negative consequences
individuals and
when people eat too much of it.
Excessive amounts of
in the human body leads to a number of debilitating diseases that lower quality of life; and
, regulations must be put into place to reduce
behaviormanner of acting or controlling yourself
. Millions of people consume junk food, like chocolate bars and candies, which lead to high blood-
levels and eventually obesity and diabetes. These
disable the individual and eventually result in death.
, governments should create age restrictions on the sales of concentrated
products in order to safeguard youth from developing early addictions to
, the same as cigarettes and alcohol. I read an article just the other day which stated that childhood obesity is now an epidemic in the United States, whereby every
person between the age of five and 18 is more than 30% overweight,
of high-
diets.
, the unmitigated overuse of refined sugars is not only terrible for
detrimental to a prosperous
.
When a large proportion of the population suffers from
-related diseases,
by high medical costs and low production output. The ministry of health of many nations
billions of dollars to treat or cure diseases related to
consumption. Meanwhile, afflicted individuals are not able to contribute to the overall productivity of
. In order to curb
phenomenon, governments should impose a “true cost” tax, just like tobacco and alcohol, to make sugary products more expensive and less desirable. In a recent news broadcast I watched, experts explained that when the cost of products like tobacco double, their consumption is drastically reduced in
.
In conclusion, the
of white
has become public enemy number one on a global scale for
individuals and societies.
, I highly concur that governments must take immediate action to save their citizens from certain ailments and improve the overall quality of life.
everyone agrees that
is delicious, we all value health more than the
sweet snack.
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IELTS Writing Evaluation
6 linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
2 repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15 mistakes
Band Score: 4.5
How to improve?
Stats
: 4
: 20
: 295
Coherence and Cohesion
Band Score: 6.0
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
9
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and
an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical resource
Band Score: 4.0
Try to vary your vocabulary using ONCLUSION (points restated, argument strengthened, take-home-message)
In conclusion, the
of white
has become public enemy number one on a global scale for
individuals and societies.
Argument strengthened)
, I highly concur that governments must take immediate action to save their citizens from certain ailments and improve the overall quality of life.
-home-message)
everyone agrees that
is delicious, we all value health more than the
sweet snack.