IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some celebrities get higher salaries than politicians of senior stature. Do you think it is fair? What is the main cause of this?

#celebrities #salaries #politicians #stature
Due to changes in demand of simple public, today, sportsmen and musicians getting more salary than politicians who works for senior stature. I believe it
happening
Suggestion
was happening
is happening
happened
has happened
 due to
dynamism
Suggestion
the dynamism
 that celebrities
show
 in lies of ordinary folk. The main reason of the celebrities getting high wages is that their lives are in public's day-to-day life. Admittedly, they try to
show
 people how they live and want to contribute to give advices about health by uploading their daily life with videos on social network and by running special internet blogs.
For example
, one of the well-known musician Timati leads streaming rehabilitation classes for people who want to lose weight and get some muscles on themselves
some in cities
Suggestion
in some cities
 of Russia. By
this
 way he wants people to be
more healthier
Suggestion
more healthy
healthier
.
As a result
 of these sacrifices they make, celebrities posses better rate of pay. In my opinion,
this
 trend is totally fair. All
to
to a degree exceeding normal or proper limits
too
 often, politicians do not
show
 an activeness in
life
Suggestion
the life
 of
public
Suggestion
the public
. They do not
show
 commitment in the emergency situations. An example of Australian fire can prove
this
 idea. No representatives of
politicians even
Accept comma addition
politicians, even
 said a word about spending some money on
this
 natural disaster when bloggers and musicians donated a huge amount of money to contribute to take
this
 global problem out.
Therefore
, it appears to be fair to me. To conclude salary of celebrities is more than politicians get.
Also
, I think, dynamism
possess
Suggestion
possesses
 a full role here.
Moreover
, all is fair in terms of content.
Submitted by muzaffarkuziev6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: