Governments should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far do you agree with this statement?

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To prevent the development
Use synonyms
illness
Change preposition
of illness
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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to be
treat
Wrong verb form
treated
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this
Linking Words
illness
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. So , it means that the
illness
Use synonyms
needs to be treated by medicines or curing and only after it is prevented.
But
Correct word choice
However
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, some
people
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cannot afford
curing
Change the verb form
to cure
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the
illness
Use synonyms
. Because curing and medicines are expensive. So many
people
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think that
could
Correct your spelling
would
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be better if the governments
prevent
Wrong verb form
prevented
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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illness
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and
challenge
Wrong verb form
challenged
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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to keep a healthy lifestyle. In my opinion, I agree with
this
Linking Words
statement . Because I think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health most essential thing in our life and preventing
illness
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is better than curing it.
Moreover
Linking Words
that
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apply
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curing is expensive , the governments try to find ways to encourage
people
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to be
more
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apply
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healthier . If
people
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are healthy, they will not need curing or buy medicines.
Also
Linking Words
, if
people
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take
Verb problem
apply
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exercises
Correct subject-verb agreement
exercise
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every morning and have healthy diets, they could be
more
Change the word
apply
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healthier, than
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
unhealthier like
to
Change preposition
apply
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eating junk food or smoking
and
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apply
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etc.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the government should
advertising
Change the verb form
advertise
be advertising
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on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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television or social networks and encourage
the
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apply
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people
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to follow healthy lifestyles like eating useful meals: vegetables and fruits,
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
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a lot of water ,
also
Linking Words
taking exercises or
to engage
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engaging in
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sport
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sports
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activities.
In addition
Linking Words
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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can help to solve health problems and
people
Use synonyms
can don’t struggle and worry about their health. In conclusion, I believe that and support the statement that the governments should produce on prevention
Use synonyms
illness
Change preposition
of illness
show examples
and medical treatment. So,
government
Add an article
the government
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should encourage and challenge the
people
Use synonyms
to follow
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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lifestyle.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of preventive healthcare. Provide a balanced evaluation of the statement to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize ideas more cohesively by using clearer transitional phrases and linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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