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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

#technology #work #places
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Technology, undoubtedly, has given many better ways of
effetively
in an effective manner
effectively
 performing in various sectors of life. The advent of modern
techonological
based in scientific and industrial progress
technological
 innovations, like computers, smart phones, high speed internet,
artifical
contrived by art rather than nature
artificial
intelligence etc
Accept comma addition
intelligence, etc.
intelligence etc.
, has revolutionised the way we
work
Use synonyms
 and are
heavy
Suggestion
heavily
 dependent on these tools for getting the things done.
This
Linking Words
 makes us
vunerable
susceptible to attack
vulnerable
 as we would cease to
work
Use synonyms
 if these technological tools fails or breaks down. In the past days,
workgroups
Suggestion
 heavy
dependent
Suggestion
depending
dependence
 on the usage of pen and paper, which made it fail-proof, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
 was time consuming and made it difficult to keep a record and share with other co-workers. For
instances
Suggestion
instance
, minutes recorded during a meeting on paper might be difficult to
inderstand
know and comprehend the nature or meaning of
understand
 if the writer has a poor handwriting.
Also
Linking Words
, circulation of those minutes would require re-writing the points multiple times or getting multiple xerox copies. Using modern technology
such
Linking Words
 as computing devices, world wide web services, video-conferencing etc.
makes
Suggestion
Makes
 efficient use of the companies most valuable resources; its manpower. All data and information, with
help
Suggestion
the help
 of modern softwares on computers and smart phone, can be easily created, stored, and shared seamlessly with others over the internet.
Thus
Linking Words
 making the
work
Use synonyms
 flow more efficient and productive.
However
Linking Words
, on the
contary
very opposed in nature or character or purpose
contrary
,
breakdown
Suggestion
the breakdown
a breakdown
 of these modern advancements may cause disruptions in the workflow. Like in case of courier company which relies
heavy
Suggestion
heavily
 on computers, phones etc.
would
Suggestion
Would
 find it difficult to track, monitor packages or even take new orders.
Such
Linking Words
 heavy dependencies on technology would bring them to a grinding halt if their modern tools fail. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
work places
a place where work is done
workplaces
 should have a
balanced usage
Suggestion
balanced, usable
balanced usable
 of both modern technology as well as old methods of documentation and communication so as to reduce the impact of any serious breakdowns.
Submitted by mandar.pawaskar27 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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