IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #children #skills #car #maintenance #bank #account #management #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often considered that
schools
 should teach functional
skills
 like car maintenance or bank account management
while
students
 are learning academic
subjects
. I totally agree with the opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
 should teach practical
skills
 like bank account management or car maintenance which could prepare
students
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their future occupations.
Firstly
, some academic
subjects
 which are being taught in
schools
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 too old, and they are not being used in society anymore. Science and technology are being changed rapidly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that if our educational system does not update their curriculum, their
students
 will not have a chance to find an appropriate job.
For instance
, when I graduated from university, I could not find a job, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
one company hired me as a practitioner to work without payments in order to
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 how to
functionalise
Correct your spelling
functionalised
 my
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 knowledge in the working environment.
Secondly
,
schools
 should create an atmosphere in which the pupils
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 learn practical
skills
 relying on their studies which are being taught. By the reason that technologies are being altered
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time, and the occupational market’s requirements are changing. The educational system should prepare
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
students
 to know the usage of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 lessons and its future functions. The latest studies indicate that
schools
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have workshops where their
students
 could discuss and practice their scientific knowledge through experiments and discussion,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. Have better occupational opportunities.
To conclude
. I disagree that
schools
 should teach only academic
subjects
,
although
 they should update their curriculum and
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 some
skills
 based on the
subjects
 which are being taught to the
students
.
Submitted by maghamiez5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that the essay responds fully to the question prompt, providing a clear and cohesive argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization and connection of ideas throughout the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: