IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#people #time #homes #workplace
These days, many people strive to
work
 more than normal hours.
This
 trend brings both positive and negative consequences for individuals. People who tend to spend more hours at their working places find it rewarding for several reasons. The
first
 reason why some people
work
 more than others is that they want to achieve more. They feel competition in their
work
 and
this
 makes them
work
 more. Another reason is that extended working hours could be beneficial in a financial term and can lead to promotion. Employers are usually willing to pay more a worker who wants to go beyond a normal working day.
This
 can
also
 refer to a job ladder.
On the other hand
, working more than normal hours can lead to some negative aspects. With more
work
, people usually get more stress. They do not always manage
time
 properly and have less
time
 to relax, which
consequently
 can be damaging to health.
For example
, when I was promoted several years ago I tried to show my dedication to the company working long hours, even on weekends.
As a result
 of constant
work
 after a few months later, I started noticing sleep impairment and other health disorders.
In addition
, people spend less
time
 with their families which can be detrimental to family relationships. In conclusion, spending longer hours can be beneficial it terms as career development and getting additional income,
however
, it can
also
 lead to deterioration of health and family relationships. These damaging consequences can be avoided with the properly managed
time
 and relaxation.
Submitted by bugabu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career progression
  • earning potential
  • enhanced productivity
  • skill sets
  • work-life balance
  • personal well-being
  • negatively impacting
  • increased stress
  • health issues
  • burnout
  • cardiovascular diseases
What to do next:
Look at other essays: