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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The first pie
chart
 illustrates the
proportion
 of
energy
 consumption whilst the
second
chart
 demonstrates the data on
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
gas
 emissions by the respective
activities
 in an average Australian family.
Overall
,
while
 the
energy
 used in heating
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 the major part, the
activity
Correct pronoun usage
that contributes
show examples
contributes
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 the largest
proportion
 of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
ga
Correct your spelling
gas
 emission is
water
 heating.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
, if an
activity
 consumes much
energy
, it is not sufficient to make sure that it emits the largest amount of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
gas
.
Although
 nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
energy
 (42%) is spent on heating, only 15%
greenhouse
Change preposition
of greenhouse
show examples
gas
emitted
Add a missing verb
is emitted
show examples
 by
this
activity
.
On the other hand
, the
proportion
 of
energy
use
 and
greenhouse
gas
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 approximately the same for
water
 heating (30%,
32
Correct word choice
and 32
show examples
% respectively) and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooling (2%,
3
Correct word choice
and 3
show examples
% respectively).
Besides
, there are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activities
Add an article
the activities
show examples
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
energy
use
proportion
 is just nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
 of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
greenhouse
gas
 they emit,
such
 as refrigeration, lighting and other appliances. The first pie
chart
 illustrates the
proportion
 of
energy
 consumption whilst the
second
chart
 demonstrates the data on
greenhouse
gas
 emissions by the respective
activities
 in an average Australian family.
Overall
,
while
 the
energy
 used in heating keeps the major part, the
activity
Correct pronoun usage
that contributes
show examples
contributes
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 the largest
proportion
 of
greenhouse
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 is
water
 heating.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means, if an
activity
 consumes much
energy
, it is not sufficient to make sure that it emits the largest amount of
greenhouse
gas
.
Although
 nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
energy
 (42%) is spent on heating, only 15%
greenhouse
Change preposition
of greenhouse
show examples
gas
emitted
Add a missing verb
is emitted
show examples
 by
this
activity
.
On the other hand
, the
proportion
 of
energy
use
 and
greenhouse
gas
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 approximately the same for
water
 heating (30%,
32
Correct word choice
and 32
show examples
%, respectively) and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooling (2%,
3
Correct word choice
and 3
show examples
% respectively).
Besides
, there are some of the
activities
 that
energy
use
proportion
 is just nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
 of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
greenhouse
gas
 they emit,
such
 as refrigeration, lighting and other appliances.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, besides, on the other hand, overall, second, such, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, proportion, energy, gas, activities, activity, water, half, greenhouse, use with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 10 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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