There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree

#performance #concert #tv #computer #screen

An emerging trend which has generated a widespread phenomenon in

entertainment

Add an article

the entertainment

show examples

field is watching

home

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

. I am inclined to believe that watching

movies

home

is much better than coming to the social cinema. Not only will watching

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

home

help us to save our precious time, but it can

also

be a private area to enjoy

movie

series. To look at the

home

entertainment

aspect, the most important factor to consider is

home

Correct article usage

the home

show examples

entertainment

aspect. If a person has his or her private applications or websites to relax against some pillows

while

watching the

movies

, it will be one of the best

option

Change to a plural noun

options

show examples

for them to save

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of huge money

instead

uncomfortable

Add a missing verb

being uncomfortable

show examples

going

direct

Replace the word

directly

show examples

to the social cinema.

Such

a form of

home

entertainment

moreover

, will create a private place for us to watch wonderful

movies

without irritating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others intensely. The more people are around, the more bad emotional feelings we will get. It is true that we always find confidence and truly

happy

Replace the word

happiness

show examples

whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be destroyed

while

watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid

this

situation, all we need to do is self-quarantine, find a great

Correct your spelling

show examples

show and relax. With that being said, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on

home

movie

watching. What really makes

audience

Add an article

the audience

show examples

truly boring

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

the film is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

distraction. Assuming a person is watching his favourite

movie

, he might be momentarily distracted by social media platforms

such

as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Watching

movies

home

can affect negatively

Change preposition

apply

show examples

our routine, we might be immersed in blockbuster

movies

Correct your spelling

show examples

series and be lazy.

Moreover

, Blue light from computer screens will cause some contemporary symptoms

such

as eye strain,

blur

Replace the word

blurred

show examples

vision or headache. In conclusion, watching

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

is on the rise, and

this

home watching

Add a hyphen

home-watching

show examples

trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to

our self

Correct your spelling

ourselves

show examples

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others.

Submitted by michaelangelos303 on Tue Mar 31 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

The essay addresses the topic adequately, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of watching movies at home instead of in a social cinema. Some points could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive response.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with arguments and examples, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

338 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
The crime rate nawadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?
In modern era , numerous individuals believe that due to the advancement in science and technology , there is. Decrease in crime all over the world as there are many latest equipment which can solve and prevent crime . If questioned, I agree in this viewpoint and the upcoming paragraphs will elaborate some arguments related to this view with valid examples and explanations.
5.5
band
Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase in necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
There are some people who argue that an increase in the number of populations is not sustainable and will finally result in a global crisis, while the opponents of this view claim that it is essential for fostering economy and society of the world. I believe that while overpopulation can solve the problem of the lack of workforce, a growing population threatens the future in terms of the lack of essential living supplies.
8.5
band
Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is true that family has an indispensable role to play in one's growing process. Therefore, some individuals harbour a belief that young people have to divert their free time from outside amusement to families. This essay will delve into both perspectives in a comprehensive manner before explicating my position.
4
band
persuassion essay about The role of women in the workforce
In Colombian culture, the evolution of women's role in the workforce is changing the social and economic landscape. Historically, women in Colombia have faced numerous barriers, including social and cultural barriers that hindered their advancement and empowerment in the professional world. Despite these challenges, progress has been made. According to the National Administrative Department of Statistics (DANE), female labor participation in the first quarter of 2024 was 52%, which, although lower than the 76.3% participation of men, represents a significant achievement for women. This essay aims to explain why the increasing role of women in the workforce brings benefits, focusing on the advantages for companies, the promotion of equal opportunities, and the resilience and adaptability that women bring to the workplace.
6.5
band
In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.
Medical care over the past century has improved significantly, enabling people to overcome diseases that were once incurable. As a result, people's lifespans are increasing globally. Not only medicine has improved since the last century, but also life standards, quality and duration of life. The benefits of this progress far outweigh the drawbacks.

There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

The crime rate nawadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

persuassion essay about The role of women in the workforce

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.