There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree

An emerging trend which has generated a widespread phenomenon in
entertainment
Add an article
the entertainment
show examples
field is watching
home
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
. I am inclined to believe that watching
movies
at
home
is much better than coming to the social cinema. Not only will watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
at
home
help us to save our precious time, but it can
also
be a private area to enjoy
movie
series. To look at the
home
entertainment
aspect, the most important factor to consider is
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
entertainment
aspect. If a person has his or her private applications or websites to relax against some pillows
while
watching the
movies
, it will be one of the best
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
for them to save
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of huge money
instead
of
uncomfortable
Add a missing verb
being uncomfortable
show examples
going
direct
Replace the word
directly
show examples
to the social cinema.
Such
a form of
home
entertainment
,
moreover
, will create a private place for us to watch wonderful
movies
without irritating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others intensely. The more people are around, the more bad emotional feelings we will get. It is true that we always find confidence and truly
happy
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be destroyed
while
watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid
this
situation, all we need to do is self-quarantine, find a great
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
show and relax. With that being said, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on
home
-
movie
watching. What really makes
audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
truly boring
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
the film is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
distraction. Assuming a person is watching his favourite
movie
, he might be momentarily distracted by social media platforms
such
as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Watching
movies
at
home
can affect negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our routine, we might be immersed in blockbuster
movies
or
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
series and be lazy.
Moreover
, Blue light from computer screens will cause some contemporary symptoms
such
as eye strain,
blur
Replace the word
blurred
show examples
vision or headache. In conclusion, watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
is on the rise, and
this
home watching
Add a hyphen
home-watching
show examples
trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to
our self
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
Submitted by michaelangelos303 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic adequately, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of watching movies at home instead of in a social cinema. Some points could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with arguments and examples, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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