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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
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The given pie charts compare the annual expenditures of a school in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK

Your article usage with the geographic name UK may be incorrect.

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 for the years 1981, 1991, and 2001. Teachers’ salaries remained the largest expense item during the years at 40% to 50% of total
spend
Replace the word
spending

The word spend doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 insurance expenses
was
Change the verb form
were

The singular verb was does not appear to agree with the plural subject expenses. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 the smallest, accounting for less than 10% consistently.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, insurance expenses showed a sign of
steady
Correct article usage
a steady

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 increase from
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 low of 2% in 1981 to
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 high of 8% in 2001.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, teachers’ salaries did not show a persistent uptrend; its 10% increase from 1981 to 1991 was followed by a 5% decrease in 2001. Other workers’ salaries
was
Change the verb form
were

The singular verb was does not appear to agree with the plural subject salaries. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 the only item that demonstrated a steady
declined
Replace the word
decline

The word declined doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 over these years; hit its highest record of 28% in 1981, reduced to 22% in 1991 and reached its low of 15% in 2001.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, spending
for
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 resources, furniture and equipment were more volatile and unpredictable during the period studied.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the pie charts provided some useful information regarding the breakdown of
annual
Correct article usage
the annual

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 expenditures of a school in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK

Your article usage with the geographic name UK may be incorrect.

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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • educational expenditure
  • financial management
  • infrastructure investment
  • evolution of costs
  • annual spending
  • strategic funding
  • capital outlay
  • operational costs
  • resource allocation
  • fiscal trends
  • cost analysis
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