IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that zoos have no useful purposes. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

#people #zoos #purposes
In
this
 modern era, many people pay a high expenditure to buy tickets for attending cultural or sport ceremonies. In my opinion, I entirely agree that
this
 kind of activities is positive for a number of reasons. A valid reason for
this
 is that
such
 events help to alleviate stre
ss of
Suggestion
the stress
work.
That is
 to say, it could decrease all the pressure and tension associated with the work schedule.
As a result
, it works as a psychological therapy for many health-related problems.
However
, if an individual does not have
such
 events, he might not be able to get rid of all negative energy and re-energize himself. Another point to consider is that attending these even
ts assist the
Accept comma addition
events, assist
 individual to broaden horizons.
This
 is because respect and appreciate other cultural values can be learned.
For example
, attending the Chinese food festival in Dubai assist to know more about their culture and way of living.
Moreover
, it would widen the social network by introducing to a new people there, and even it could help to learn some foreign language terms.
Finally
,
this
 kind of event has a financial merit.
This
 is due to supporting of the tourism industry that represents a crucial source of money to these countries.
For instance
, the world cup in south Africa brought a lot of resources to the economy for
thi
Suggestion
of
in
s country, and it provided many job opportunities which support a lot of families there.
Therefore
, it could not only supp
ort financial sta
Accept comma addition
support, financial
tus by tourist expe
nders but
Accept comma addition
expenditures, but
expenditures but
expenses but
expanders but
also
 boost the world economy through mark
eting and
Suggestion
the marketing
 competition. In conclusion, it seems to me that these events give positive merits for
ind
Suggestion
of
ividual and community by relieving stress, broadening horizons and supporting tourism.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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