Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In today’s

world

, while the effects of

music

on people are not fully understood, it has known as an unlimited tool, helping people show their emotions. I, completely, agree that

music

contributes to the improvement of all nations’ ties regardless of their customs and ages through solving health problems and bringing the

massage

a communication (usually brief) that is written or spoken or signaled

message

of peace to the universe. It is needless to say that health

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as the most important aspects of people’ life, is endangered

Accept space

To clarify

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most people

are suffer

Suggestion

are suffering

suffer

have suffered

are suffered

from stress existed in modern lifestyle,

as a result

of which some diseases

such

as heart attack can be occurred

Accept space

Therefore

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listening to

music

might be the best solution to tackle with

this

problem. To cite an example, major group of workers

are

Suggestion

under a lot of pressure in their workplaces, as a consequence of which they would face many health problems in terms of mental or physical ones. So, listening to a relaxing

music

can reduce stress and anxiety in them

Accept space

helping them get rid of routine tensions. In terms of global impacts of

music

, when it comes to peace in the

world all nations

Suggestion

world, all nations

are included no matter how old they are or what culture they have

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Therefore

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music

as a beneficial way is capable to bring people together to convert the

world

to a better place to live. To what extent, it has been obvious that during all historical periods

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different singers have told the message of peace through their songs affecting many people around the

world

as a result

of which people have tried to develop their international relationship without a rough politic. In the light of the discussion above, reducing stress and increasing the international relationships

are

Suggestion

the justifying reasons why I, personally, agree that

music

is an effective method getting different people

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including old and young, together.

Submitted by hengamehebrahimnia on Sat Apr 04 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides ang give your opinion.

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Communication has changed significantly in the last 10 years. Discuss the positive and negative impacts of this change

It has been suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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