In many countries Women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree ?

In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
Women
no longer tend to get married. Some people believe that
this
is because
women
are becoming more self-sufficient.
Thus
, the financial prosperity that
marriage
can bring is no longer a momentous factor for them. I almost agree with the given statement but I
also
believe that there are more reasons for
this
reluctance. The importance of financial security for
women
's
marriage
used to be inevitable but nowadays with the economic development throughout the world and the rise of job opportunities and
leaving
Verb problem
living
show examples
costs, most of the
women
are going to work and have a decent income.
Therefore
, they care less about livelihood as a pivotal factor for
marriage
and put their concentration mostly on their career or studies
due to
the fact that the
marriage
rate has decreased constantly over the past few years. There are
also
some other reasons for
this
unwillingness.
For instance
, one of them can be
over expectations
Add a hyphen
over-expectations
show examples
.
Women
should be aware that Rome wasn’t built in a day and
that is
impossible to start a wonderful life at the very first. With
such
expectations
Add a comma
expectations,
show examples
it will be so difficult for them to say yes to a man's proposal and even more difficult for men to propose in the first place.
In addition
, a
marriage
is not all about financial support. It is
also
about emotional support but in recent years most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people have relationships before they get married and
as a result
; emotional needs don’t play a major role in marriages anymore.
To conclude
, my firm conviction is that the main reason for
this
reluctance is
women
's self-sufficiency but it is not
such
a disaster that they don’t feel the need to get married. It is even good to an extent because
due to
that they can leave traditions behind and think more intellectually about
marriage
and care more about moralities and emotions regardless of materials.
Submitted by aparna4691 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: