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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that children should be educated in single sex schools; others argue that mixed schools are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The current educational institutes are offering different accommodation facilities, mainly based on
sexuality
Use synonyms
. Some prefer studying in single
sexuality
Use synonyms
 oriented
Use synonyms
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
while
Linking Words
 some prefer going to
schools
Use synonyms
 which have
mixed
Add a hyphen
mixed-sex
show examples
sex
Use synonyms
 teaching facilities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue the contradictory
viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
show examples
 between
people
Use synonyms
 based on which mode of studying facilities should
children
Use synonyms
 opt
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
Firstly
Linking Words
, a certain amount of the population feels that
children
Use synonyms
 should be sent to
academy
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
 which only
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 a single
sexuality
Use synonyms
. They firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 facility will help them to reduce the growing amount of love relationships between students and they
also
Linking Words
 lose their focus on their studies.
For instance
Linking Words
, 60% of students who study in
co- education
Correct your spelling
co-education
show examples
 have affairs and it has been proved that these
people
Use synonyms
 scored less compared to
people
Use synonyms
 who are single.
Hence
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 studying in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 can avoid having affairs and
also
Linking Words
 can focus on studies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some of them argue that
children
Use synonyms
 should be sent to co-education
schools
Use synonyms
 rather than
single
Add a hyphen
single-sex
show examples
sex
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
. The main reason behind their thought process is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
this
Linking Words
 type of
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 will promote
children
Use synonyms
 to be
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
 rather than being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
broad minded
Add a hyphen
broad-minded
show examples
 with respect to gender. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who had a background of studying in co-education get
along with
Linking Words
 opposite
sexuality
Use synonyms
 well
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 find it to be difficult.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying in
Correct article usage
a mixed
show examples
mixed
Add a hyphen
mixed-sex
show examples
sex
Use synonyms
institute
Use synonyms
 will
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them to get
long
Correct your spelling
along
show examples
 well with one another and
also
Linking Words
in addition
Linking Words
 avoids them
to think
Change preposition
from thinking
show examples
 in a broad way. So, what kind of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academy should
children
Use synonyms
 be sent
?
Change preposition
to?
show examples
 Well,
although
Linking Words
 the
single
Add a hyphen
single-sex
show examples
sex
Use synonyms
institutesex
Correct your spelling
institute sex
institutes
institute
Use synonyms
 reduces the rate of students
to fall
Change the verb form
falling
show examples
 in love,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea will develop kids to be anti towards their opposite gender.
Whereas
Linking Words
, co-education
schools
Use synonyms
 will reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender differences and
in addition
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to be comfortable with the opposite
sexuality
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I personally feel it is essential for every kid to study in
mixed
Add an article
the mixed
show examples
institute
Use synonyms
 as these
schools
Use synonyms
 outweigh
single
Add a hyphen
single-sex
show examples
sex
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 in many different positive ways.

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task achievement
The introduction could be more concise, stating the topic and your stance clearly, using simpler language to improve understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide clearer transitions between points to enhance flow. For example, use linking phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments. The claims about relationship rates and academic performance could be strengthened with credible sources or clearer evidence.
task achievement
The essay presents two clear viewpoints on the topic, which demonstrates an understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and reinforces the arguments made in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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