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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world #animals #food #medicine
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How could people exist without animals? Since primitive era,
human
Suggestion
humans
the human
 had roasted wild animals for eating, wore raw
fur
Use synonyms
 for warming up in frosty winters, or used substances from
animal’s
Suggestion
animal
 parts as a medicine for curing.
However
Linking Words
, these days, some opinions propose that people no longer need to use these wild species in some purpose of food, clothing or medication.
In
Suggestion
From
 my own point of view,
besides
Linking Words
unnecessary need
Suggestion
the unnecessary need
such
Linking Words
 as clothes, animals play undoubtedly crucial roles in people’s lives. Back to
ancient period
Suggestion
the ancient period
, when human did not
discovered
Suggestion
discover
 natural fabric originated from plants, they had to use leather or
fur
Use synonyms
 as the only warming method so as not to become numb with low temperature. Not only the purpose of maintaining heat for bodies, these clothes become
common
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more common
 and more and more luxury attracting upper class due to their singularity. Thanks to
development
Suggestion
the development
 of high-quality synthesized fabric production industry,
fur
Use synonyms
 clothes
seems
Suggestion
seem
 needless and even cruel to kill a crocodile or a snake for skin only, or hunt tigers, bears for producing coats while human are totally able to replace by artificial iridescent fabric customs. Despite
negative aspects
Suggestion
the negative aspects
 of using animals for clothing, people could not live without animals, especially their unique substances. Animal
protein
Use synonyms
 sources
such
Linking Words
 as meat, fish, poultry, eggs and dairy are considered to be complete sources of
protein
Use synonyms
 because they contain all the essential amino acids that body needs to function effectively.
Protein
Use synonyms
 deficiency makes children physically and mentally underdeveloped, kids are susceptible to infections, intelligence is easily
affect
Suggestion
affected
 badly as well as low height. Not only
protein
Use synonyms
, some kinds of wild species release some secretions which enable to cure
human’s
Suggestion
human
 diseases
such
Linking Words
 as bile bear, snake venom or tiger bone glue. These ingredients are used in the market due to their good effects in treatment that people have not found out
better remedy
Suggestion
a better remedy
 for substituting. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is not necessary to use wild species’
fur
Use synonyms
 or skin for the purpose of clothing, I outweigh
positive benefits
Suggestion
the positive benefits
 from animals. Nutritious substances from
them especially
Accept comma addition
them, especially
protein
Use synonyms
 is so crucial to human’s body that a child cannot develop normally with the lack of animal
protein
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, medicines originated from animals are common in curing some diseases.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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