IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two bar graphs illustrate the prime intention of learning either for
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 or for interest among the learners of different
age
 categories and how much they get cooperation from the principal.
Overall
, it is vivid from the diagram that there is an inverse relation between the
career
 and interest of
students
, until they are 39, they obtain education for their employment and during that period employers support them in their education,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
 once they are started entering above the
age
 of 49 they started learning for their scrutiny, but during that
age
group
Add a comma
,group
show examples
 they get less aid by the employers.
The around
Correct article usage
Around
show examples
 fourth fifths of
trainee’s
Change the noun form
trainees
trainee
show examples
 are keen
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 learning for their
employment
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 and only one in ten are interested
for
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 enjoyment, during that period they get sixty-five
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 help from their employers in time off and amount until they turn 25 and half of the
students
 get the support when they come under the
age
 between 26 to 29. Unfortunately, the
students
 who fall under the
age
 of 30 to 39
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get only 35% assistance which is less than any other
age
categories
Fix the agreement mistake
category
show examples
 as a quarter of
students
 are learning for interest
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. The
students
 who are above the
age
 of 39 and below 50 are almost 40 %, and they are equally interested in their
career
 and engrossment even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 get nearly get
two fifths
Add a hyphen
two-fifths
show examples
 of benefits.
On the other hand
, once they become
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
 and 50 or above the
age
 they are less volunteer for
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and 70% of
students
 at
this
age
 are keen on self-interested
as well as
additionally
 they get more aid compared to the previous
age
 group.
Submitted by shyamamw146 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words career, age, students with synonyms.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: