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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends.

#people #time #careers #it’s #friends
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People have different priorities in
life
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, as some choose to focus more on their
works
Suggestion
work
 while others prefer to have more
time
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 with their family and relatives. The following essay will discuss both opinions, but I personally feel that we should have a balanced view regarding the discussion. On the one hand, some people choose to spend more times in
career
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 development. These people believe that
career
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 would be the most important aspect of their
life
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, as a successful
career
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 would change their
life
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. They would be able to earn handsome money, drive a luxurious car,
live
go away from a place
leave
 a big house, travel overseas or wear fancy clothes.
Linking Words
Therefore they
Accept comma addition
Therefore, they
 choose to focus more on their
career
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 improvement. One of the ways would be by working longer and more
dedicatedly
Suggestion
 than what an average employee would do.
Then
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, they
also
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 would take additional courses and training which correlate to their
work
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 during the night or
in
Suggestion
on
at
during
 the weekend. As a consequence, they do not have
time
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 for themselves and for their family and friends as well.
On the other hand
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, other groups of people believe that family, relatives and friends are more important than works. They believe that spending more times with the family would have a positive effect on children's mental development. They
also
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 believe
that that
pointing out something
that
 people should be close to relatives and neighbours, as they are the
first
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 one who will help during
financial difficulties
Suggestion
the financial difficulties
 or natural disasters.
Consequently
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, many of these people cannot improve their careers, because they do not want to spend some of their
times
Suggestion
time
 for self-development. In my opinion, I personally believe that people should have a balanced
life
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. It means that people must develop their potential and should
also
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 have targets and ambitions in their
career
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life
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, but they should not sacrifice the socialisation
time
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 as well. People should learn more about
time
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 management
such
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 as setting priorities at
work
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 they could
work
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 more effective and efficient.
As a result
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, they do not have to
work
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 overtime and they could
some spend some
Suggestion
spend some time
time
Use synonyms
 with their family and friends.
Submitted by yashjsh6 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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