IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

For many, Shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People however in the past mostly visited those when necessary.

The shopping complex is a great location to
utilize
Use the right word
utilise
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 and get
together with
Linking Words
 others.
Use synonyms
People
Punctuation problem
People,
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 in the earlier
principally
Check wording
times principally
show examples
 visited those when obligatory. I believe that shopping has become an old trend, spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 at
malls
Use synonyms
 is
putting
Verb problem
having
show examples
adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
show examples
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
mostly on the young generations, education and health as well.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is
fact
Correct article usage
a fact
show examples
 that in the modern era, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 spend their
time
Use synonyms
 at shopping plazas rather than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. As if the young ones are being attracted by these
places
Use synonyms
. Mostly they are interested
to skip
Change preposition
in skipping
show examples
 their classes to meet friends at
malls
Use synonyms
 and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 the first preference to eat junk food like pizza, burger, sandwiches and so on.
As a result
Linking Words
, it puts bad hazards on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy life.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
products
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be purchased by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers under a single roof
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 beauty products, kitchen
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
,
Correct word choice
various kind
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of fruits and vegetables
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as a number of facilities are provided by the
malls
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 air conditioners, escalators, movie theatres,
kid's
Check wording
kids'
show examples
 and food corners. So, it has become a first preference to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on it as compared to open
places
Use synonyms
 and parks. The portion of these
places
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 started declining
due to
Linking Words
 the
malls
Use synonyms
. It
puts
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a detrimental effect mostly on the younger generation and the rest of the
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
, because they always keep away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
According to
Linking Words
 me,
fully
Correct article usage
a fully
show examples
 airy environment gives us energy to do daily chores.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
urge
Wrong verb form
are urged
show examples
 to purchase
that things
Correct word order
things that
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not necessary
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they spend a large amount of their pocket money
as a
Linking Words
consequence
Punctuation problem
consequence,
show examples
 these types of expenditure put them in debt. As well,
at the end
Linking Words
 of
season
Correct article usage
the season
show examples
, huge discounts are provided by different brands on their products. I think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they have more profit in
this
Linking Words
 than consumers because it increased their business. They do fraud with
people
Use synonyms
owing to
Verb problem
because
show examples
 they can not manage their budget.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are more negative effects on
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 as they become more consumptive. So
people
Use synonyms
 should spend their precious
time
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 airy
places
Use synonyms
 rather than shopping complexes and
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 these areas only to pick up essential commodities.

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task response
State a clear opinion in the intro and keep it to the end.
content
Add more clear ideas and support for each point.
coherence
Use simple links between ideas to guide the reader.
grammar
Improve grammar and fix word form mistakes.
structure
The essay has a real topic and a view about malls.
coherence
There are several paragraphs and a brief close.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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