IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #percentage #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts illustrate the Household
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of
energy
 in an average Australian family and,
as a consequence
 of it, the
Greenhouse
Gas
 emissions. There are six sectors of interest described by a
percentage
: water heating, refrigeration, lighting, cooling, heating and other appliances. In short, there is almost the same
percentage
 of
energy
 used (2%) and
greenhouse
gas
 emanated (3%) for cooling.
Furthermore
, the usage of
energy
 for lighting is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
4%
while
 the
percentage
 of
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 is twice as much. It's the same for refrigeration data, in fact
on one hand
Add the comma(s)
, on one hand,
show examples
 there is a
percentage
 of 7% in
energy
consume
Change the form of the verb
consumed
show examples
,
on
Correct word choice
and on
show examples
 the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 a 14%
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
gas
emission
.
In addition
, there is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 usage of
energy
 for heating of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
42%
while
 the
percentage
 of
gas
 emissions is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15%. It could be noticed that only in
this
 case the
percentage
 of
emission
 is lower than
energy
 consume
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Besides
, the
percentage
 of water heating is more or less
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
30% in both charts (exactly 32% in the
second
 one),
whereas
 for other appliances there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15% of
energy
Add an article
the energy
show examples
 used and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
28% of
greenhouse
gas
 emanated.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, we can outline that in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases, the usage of
energy
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half compared to the
gas
emission
. The
energy
 is used
in particular
 for heating,
while
greenhouse
gas
emission
 is basically caused by water heating and various appliances.
Submitted by pisevi11 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, percentage, emission with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
▼
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