IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, most large companies operate multinationally. To what extent those companies should have responsibility towards local communities in which they operate?

In recent decades, there has been a growing trend of offshore expansion of large
companies
Use synonyms
, thanks to
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 multinational corporations create jobs for local people, their responsibility towards local communities should be at the highest level. It is true that responsible corporate behaviour contributes to broad-based benefits for the countries in which the
companies
Use synonyms
 are active.
First,
Linking Words
foreign
companies
Use synonyms
 should be responsible towards the
environment
Use synonyms
 of the region.
For example
Linking Words
, if these
companies
Use synonyms
 take steps to dispose of waste properly, local people can enjoy new products without any concern for the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
multinational
companies
Use synonyms
 should be more active in charitable activities because that would give them an opportunity to save more lives overseas. In fact, many regions in which these
companies
Use synonyms
 operate do not have access to resources to deal with problems like hunger and poverty. Another compelling reason is that foreign
companies
Use synonyms
 can substantially benefit from being socially responsible.
Companies
Use synonyms
, especially in the manufacturing and mining industries,
actively
Correct pronoun usage
that actively
show examples
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can ensure their sustainable long-term growth. In fact, the media has revealed many instances of
companies
Use synonyms
being
Verb problem
having their
show examples
taken away social license
Correct word order
social license taken away
show examples
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 imprudence towards the
environment
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, multinational corporations should be very conscious of their track records when it comes to local responsibility, as these are directly tied to brand names. If brand names are properly maintained and enhanced, sales and profits will be poised to increase as
companies
Use synonyms
 will be receiving more support from both local customers and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. In conclusion, the bar for corporate responsibilities towards local communities should always be high.
This
Linking Words
 benefits not only the countries in which
companies
Use synonyms
 operate, but the
companies
Use synonyms
 themselves.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
The essay has a clear view, but it would be stronger if you state how far you think they should be active in simple words in the start and end. Add a clear line at the end to rest your view.
coherence
Use easy link words to show the flow of ideas. Each paragraph should have one main idea and end with a small note that links to the next paragraph.
task
Add one or two clear examples that are easy to see in real life local areas, like how a firm helps schools or clean water.
task
Clear view that firms should be active in local work.
coherence
Good use of sign post words like First, Second, In addition, In conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: