IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Government should be used to support children in school for sports rather than to support professional sports and arts that perform for the general public. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#government #support #children #school #sports #arts
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 has always
been
Verb problem
played
show examples
 in
necessary
Add an article
the necessary
show examples
 role
on give
Change preposition
of giving
show examples
 assistance to local people and giving them more chances to be accomplished. It is widely argued that holding up
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 population
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 professional sports and arts that present for the general public must be higher by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must invest and
hold up
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 children in school as much as possible, because the more educated people give more achievements to
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. To start with,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 there are a number of reasons, which let us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
support
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation.
Firstly
, as people nowadays are living in
technological
Add an article
the technological
a technological
show examples
world
,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 position with
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
show examples
. Because,the modern
world
 is changing
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system from offline to online, so improvement
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system to change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
form.
Moreover
, after having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a world war
world wars
show examples
world
 wars,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
predicting
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 that if there
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be any war, it
is
Verb problem
would
show examples
 undoubtedly Information technology war, and many countries are preparing for it and doing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strong cybersecurity. The reason is that the
world
 reached the highest point
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 collecting
army
Add an article
an army
show examples
, and
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 step they want to steal secret
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 from the
country
. By way of conclusion, I believe that investing or
to support
Change the verb form
supporting
show examples
 depends on
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
, the more
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
 from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 there will be no choice for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. There is no guarantee that professional arts and sports can reach higher stages in the
world
 rating, but the
world
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 that if the
government
 spend money to support children in school,
then
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 will develop significantly. It is highly
recommnded
Correct your spelling
recommended
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should keep up investing
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
younger
Add an article
a younger
the younger
show examples
 generation than professional sports and arts, with
education
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 can reach what they
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: