Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities, others believe that the countryside offers a better environment for children.Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Although
,
Correct your spelling
the environment
Environment
makes a huge impact on the nourishment of juvenile
. Masses envisage that offspring should Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
bring
up Wrong verb form
be brought
in
abroad. Rephrase
apply
As
, green Correct word choice
apply
areas
have better amenities Change preposition
for
of
Change preposition
for
Fix the agreement mistake
children
child
. Fix the agreement mistake
children
However
, others are in the
favour of Correct article usage
apply
own
country's Correct pronoun usage
their own
environment
. Personally, I believe that children may have better surroundings in the countryside. Here, I will discuss my opinions in the upcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, pupil
may attach to Add an article
the pupil
a pupil
the
nature and Correct article usage
apply
feels
good to protect the Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
environment
. While
,
in the Remove the comma
apply
countryside
they only have Add a comma
countryside,
smart phones
or computers and Correct your spelling
smartphones
worried
about their Add a missing verb
are worried
securities
. Fix the agreement mistake
security
Additionly
, even though, offspring Correct your spelling
Additionally
knows
about the Correct subject-verb agreement
know
environment
but did
not connect with Wrong verb form
do
the
nature. Correct article usage
apply
Due to
the,
large buildings, heavy vehicles, large industries etc. These all things destroyed the beauty of nature. Remove the comma
apply
consequently
, youngsters disconnected
Add a missing verb
are disconnected
with
the Change preposition
from
environment
.
on the other hand
, Metropolitan towns provide more opportunities of
well-positioned Change preposition
for
job
than Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
countryside
because of ,the development of towns in each and every field.Correct article usage
the countryside
Moreover
,In cities
youth get Add a comma
cities,
the
more knowledge about Correct article usage
apply
the
technology and electronic Correct article usage
apply
equipments
. Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
secondly
,In the cities, they attain a
excellent value of life which makes their life Change the article
an
more
easier. Change the word
apply
consequently
, the children enjoyed more in urband
Correct your spelling
urban
areas
.
To sum up
,whether children should bring
up in the urban or green Wrong verb form
be brought
areas
have
some pros and cons. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Therefore
, the benefits of particular areas
have some limitations.Submitted by palvichumber166 on
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task response
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. There is also a lack of logical structure in the development of ideas. The main points are not well supported and the essay does not fully address the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay needs better organization and linking of ideas. There are issues with coherence and cohesion, especially in how ideas are organized and connected throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.