Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities, others believe that the countryside offers a better environment for children.Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Although
,
Correct your spelling
the environment
Environment
makes a huge impact on the nourishment of
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
. Masses envisage that offspring should
bring
Wrong verb form
be brought
show examples
up
in
Rephrase
apply
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abroad.
As
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, green
areas
have better amenities
Change preposition
for
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
However
, others are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
country's
environment
. Personally, I believe that children may have better surroundings in the countryside. Here, I will discuss my opinions in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with,
pupil
Add an article
the pupil
a pupil
show examples
may attach to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature and
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
good to protect the
environment
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in the
countryside
Add a comma
countryside,
show examples
they only have
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
or computers and
worried
Add a missing verb
are worried
show examples
about their
securities
Fix the agreement mistake
security
show examples
.
Additionly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, even though, offspring
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
about the
environment
but
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
not connect with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
Due to
the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
large buildings, heavy vehicles, large industries etc. These all things destroyed the beauty of nature.
consequently
, youngsters
disconnected
Add a missing verb
are disconnected
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
environment
.
on the other hand
, Metropolitan towns provide more opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
well-positioned
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
than
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
because of ,the development of towns in each and every field.
Moreover
,In
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
youth get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more knowledge about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
secondly
,In the cities, they attain
a
Change the article
an
show examples
excellent value of life which makes their life
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier.
consequently
, the children enjoyed more in
urband
Correct your spelling
urban
areas
.
To sum up
,whether children should
bring
Wrong verb form
be brought
show examples
up in the urban or green
areas
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
some pros and cons.
Therefore
, the benefits of particular
areas
have some limitations.
Submitted by palvichumber166 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. There is also a lack of logical structure in the development of ideas. The main points are not well supported and the essay does not fully address the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay needs better organization and linking of ideas. There are issues with coherence and cohesion, especially in how ideas are organized and connected throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban upbringing
  • cultural diversity
  • serene environment
  • open-mindedness
  • adaptability
  • health and wellbeing
  • quality education
  • healthcare facilities
  • sense of community
  • independence
  • creativity
  • physical and mental wellbeing
  • social bonds
  • enrichment
  • exposure
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